Challenging times
It’s no secret that I have battled with very serious mental health “challenges” most of my life and in the last 10 years those challenges have left me a shadow of who I used to be.
It’s also no secret that I still face those challenges every day and for now I am at best holding my own but it’s never easy and I have asked for help again from Nottinghamshire’s mental health services his year and that help has been somewhat disappointing.
This week saw what I’ll describe as a perfect storm of problems, issues and lack of engagement/understanding mainly by my landlord meaning I hit I little bit of a major crisis on Tuesday.
To try and avoid this getting completely out of hand I called the 111 service and took option 2 to speak with a so called mental health adviser and after giving all my details all the lady on the phone did was inform me that my details would be passed on to my local mental health team (who had gone home at that time of the day) and they would call me back or come out and visit me in the morning. I have to ask what is the point of an emergency mental health crisis service if they just pass on your details for someone to do noting with the next day. But that’s another story for another day.
I explained that I really needed that help there and then because I was sat on my own with the intention of ending my life. The response remained the same and the call was ended.
I sat for several hours in my car doing battle in my head trying to find a way through this mess that didn’t involve injecting the many tubes of insulin and taking the tablets I had with me.
To cut a very long and complicated story to it’s minimum I didn’t do such a good job and eventually I got “rescued” by Nottinghamshire Police who had been informed that I was in distress by a member of the public who had seen me in my car crying.
Full compliments to Nottinghamshire Police who delt with everything at a very sensitive level and did all they could to make sure I was safe for the night. Also well done for not 136ing me and having me forcibly taken to hospital.
Slightly worrying that was at one point there did seem to be several police cars parked behind me so I’m sure members of the public must have been wondering what the hell I had done as they drove past!
Eventually, in the early hours of Wednesday morning myself and my car were delivered back home, a couple of officers came to my flat with me, we had a coffee and everything was closed down.
Anyone who battles with their own mental health will understand that sometimes, as much as we try to to keep things under control, your mind just runs away from you and outside agencies get involved and everything just escalates.
Now it’s all over I’m sat here looking back on everything and I’m pleased to say that my landlord has seen the error of their ways and are planning to undertake the work that they refused to undertake in the first place which is a positive. I hope they also understand that they need to talk to me rather than hide behind rules and paperwork and other crap and realise that I am a person and not just a rent payment that comes in every month.
On the down side the promised call and support from my local mental health team seems to have been forgotten about as I fully expected it would. I’ll deal with that later.
As for me and my mental health, that continues to run on a knife edge quietly imploding while I try my best to keep it to myself and not make a fuss or tie up other services and rehouses. It will all go wrong again in time and I will as always, deal with it when it happens.
Finally, I really want to thank Nottinghamshire Police and the officers who helped me on Tuesday night for doing what they did in the way they did it. An example of professional skills and being human in just the right balance.