A beautiful start to a proper shite day!

At 6am this morning the sun was out and it was a lovely day so I put my best sun glasses on and I went out for an early morning coffee. I Parked up outside Nottingham Castle, had the Yaesu FTM-150 monitoring 2m and 70cm and I did my favourite thing, I “people watched” while I thought about the day ahead.

Less obvious to everyone was that I also gave a lot of thought to trying to find a reason to not ending my life there and then. Your see, today is my 59th birthday and it seems to have slipped by without the world noticing.

I’m not that bothered that nobody bothered to say “Happy Birthday” although that would have been nice. No, what I’m bothered by and upset by is that there is nobody in my life anymore to say “Happy Birthday”.

Somehow or other I’ve manages to fuck my life up so much that there is nobody out there who will stand up and call me a friend. Not a mate, there are lots of people out there who are mates, not a care professional because they get paid to be there for me even though they aren't, no, I’m talking about friends or even just a single friend.